Having a baby can also stir up feelings inside
us from our own childhoods. It's tricky to be a great parent if
our own parents were not around or did not know how to nurture
us.
The world looks different through a child's
eyes
Babies don't say much, but they are thinking and observing and
taking things in all the time. I think that if they could talk,
these are a few of the things they would say: "Talk to me. I
don't understand the words, but I can tell you love me by the
sound of your voice." "Give me food when I am hungry and cuddle
me when I cry. Don't worry, it won't spoil me." "I'm not trying
on purpose to make you tired or drive you nuts, I'm just a
baby!" And most of all, "Play with me! I am learning new things
every minute, and I love to play. Let's play that game where we
look in each other's eyes, or you walk me around to show me the
world, or you disappear for a second and then say peek-a-boo."
Giggle Time
Here is a riddle: What is the best toy for your newborn baby,
doesn't cost anything at all, and is always available? Answer:
You! Babies love faces, and staring at your face will probably
be her first activity besides sleeping and eating and crying.
Later, she will make faces that you can copy, then she will copy
your funny faces. After a few months you can start playing
peek-a-boo, one of the simplest and most fun games ever
invented.
It's perfectly normal
Just about every new parent I have ever talked to is exhausted,
and first-time parents have a million questions about how to
take care of this new baby. It can be very hard for mothers and
fathers to have any time or energy left over for their
relationship. Don't worry. It's perfectly normal to be tired, to
be worried, and to need help. Trust yourself, trust your baby,
and trust that you'll eventually get some sleep!
What do YOU think?
What is it like so far with this new baby?
What's great about being a mom or dad? What's hard about it?
Do you get any time for a break, to take care of yourself?
Who is taking good care of you while you take good care of the
baby?
Especially for Dads
Did you know it's never too early to talk to your child? They
don't understand the words yet, but they love the sound of your
voice, and it's a great way to have special snuggling time with
the baby. Some Dads have a very hard time with crying babies.
That sound is worse than a fire alarm, and it feels terrible to
not know what to do to make it stop and make the baby happy. To
make things worse, you might have been ignored or even punished
when you cried back when you were a baby or young child. All a
crying baby needs is a quick check to see if he is hungry or wet
or uncomfortable. If you take care of those needs and he is
still crying, he may just need to be held and soothed--talk to
him quietly and tell him how much you love him. Crying actually
helps a baby feel better, if they are being held and comforted
while they cry.
"I don't know what to do!"
You cannot make a baby stop crying if
he or she needs to cry, no matter what you do. Punishing,
hitting, or yelling usually just makes babies cry louder and
longer. It's hard to listen to a crying baby, but if they aren't
hungry or wet or cold, they probably just need to be held close
and loved. Keep on comforting the baby, and if you reach a point
where you cannot take the crying anymore, make sure the child is
safe in the crib or with another adult, while you take a needed
breather.
Having a baby can also stir up feelings inside
us from our own childhoods. It's tricky to be a great parent if
our own parents were not around or did not know how to nurture
us. There are lots of great books that can help, like Dr. Spock,
or What to Expect the First Year. Or, one of the best ways to
learn how to be a good parent is to find a friend or relative
who you think is a good nurturer, and watch how they do it, and
ask them for support.
I asked a friend of mine what she remembered
about going home from the hospital with her first baby. She
said, " I was madly in love with him, but I got nervous when he
cried because I didn't have confidence in myself. Penelope
Leach's book, "Your Baby and Child," saved me. She helped me
understand that I should start by listening to his cues, to
imagine what he must be feeling and to respond to that. We have
been great ever since. He's now 20 and we have such a wonderful
relationship. " The key to parenting is to see the world through
your baby's eyes, and respond to whatever your newborn needs.
And make sure that you get your own needs met too--you need rest
and emotional support and help with all the diapers.